ironmysandwich (ironmysandwich) wrote in clever_retort,

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I got off work early today and was just starting to ride my bike home when I passed a school bus. I was still in a secluded neighborhood area and was riding about in the middle of the street and was about halfway through passing the bus when it stopped. I thought about the fact that there may be small children exiting the bus so I went over to the far left side of the road (to the point where I would've been on the sidewalk), slowed down considerably, and checked for children thoroughly. When I saw that all the kids who had gotten off at that stop were already halfway up a driveway on the other side of the street, I took off and continued home. The bus quickly passed me and turned down Division.

I followed because that's how I get home. The next time it stopped, I again slowed down because there was no avoiding the bus this time, I was on a busy road.

The bus driver then got out of her bus and started screaming at me.

"Don't you ever pass me again!! No matter where you are you stop for me!! Nobody is allowed to pass my stop sign!!! ::ANGER ANGER ANGER::!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!??!?! ::fumes::"

All the clever retorts that ran through my mind were really not so clever, and involved a lot of adult phrases such as "fucking bitch" and "crazy cunt," and there was a girl of no more than 6 getting off the bus who was already looking at the driver with a face full of horror as she got off and went to go meet her grandmother (I'm not even making that up, it was seriously her grandmother), so I kept them to myself and simply said, in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah, ok."

Now that I think about it though, I realize I didn't even need a clever retort, I should've told the truth. I should've said, "No, I don't understand. I don't understand why you expected me to stop. For one, I was already halfway past you when you decided to stop. You were pretty much cutting me off. Furthermore, your little stop sign was made for cars which are many times bigger than me, weigh a hell of a lot more, go much faster, and can't stop nearly as fast. I was going about 10 miles an hour, can stop almost instantaneously, was very concientious of where your kids were, and was so far away from them that even if they had been the entrance to a public library, I still could've legally lighten up a cigarette. And, to conclude, as someone who spent many hours of their childhood playing bumper bikes, believe me when I say that nobody gets hurt even if they are actually hit by a bike going as fast as I was."

Instead I just flipped off her mirrior, hoping that she would see it and that the innocent on the bus would not.
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